Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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