i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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