she woke up with a sticky ear
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
