I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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