Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
