i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Never underestimate the power of titties
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
