I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
