and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
