I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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