I accidentally burped into my bong.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
