I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
