the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
