3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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