I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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