When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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