there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
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