What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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