Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
