I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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