he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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