I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
