HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
