Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
