my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Randomize
