New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
