be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
