If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
