i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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