The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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