her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
