some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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