laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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