Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
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So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
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And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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