I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
