Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
