Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He felt like a one man threesome
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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