Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
