He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
