Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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