I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I have fence marks all over my body
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
