And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
