Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
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To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
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I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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