Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I want to fling myself into the sun
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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