you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
