alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
