awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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