I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize