After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
