I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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