2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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