Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
