Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
