I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
