My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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