Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
time to smoke my breakfast
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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