I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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