OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
