i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
