to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I will be naked everywhere
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
