I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
