it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
