What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
