i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
