OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
