It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
