You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
