Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
