is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
