She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
