Kareoke will never be a sober sport
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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