We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
