In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
