Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
