Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
