She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
